truTV: Not Reality. Actuality.

Awesome Capacities: Jason Panchalk, 36, was admitted to the Pima County (Arizona) jail in December, facing a charge of trafficking in stolen property, but he arrived prepared. According to a jailer, Panchalk was carrying "some syringes, matches, lighter, heroin, marijuana, and an assortment of pills," all inside his rectum.

Roy Chamberlin, 29, has been charged with 1,100 criminal counts in connection with what Pennsylvania police said was a series of nearly 200 rapes against a married woman in Potter Township (and had his first court hearing in January). According to the police report, the woman said she was too terrified ever to report the crimes to police or to her husband. Once, said the husband, he came home unexpectedly about 9 a.m. and found the bedroom door locked and a struggle occurring inside (hearing "Get off me!" and "You're hurting me!"). After the husband pounded on the door, Chamberlin walked out, leaving the wife "crying hysterically and trembling." However, the husband said that his wife declined to explain the situation and that he didn't question her (not wanting to upset her further, since she had recently had surgery).

Questionable Judgments: Jason Fife was sentenced to probation and community service after harassing his estranged wife's boyfriend with a special package delivery. Fife, said his lawyer, now "understands that in a civilized society, a person cannot send (someone) a severed cow's head ...."

Instant Karma: In January, a man in Citrus Heights, Calif., had a one-car accident that left him with serious head and body injuries that were perhaps exacerbated because he was not wearing a seat belt (even though the 12-pack of beer on the seat beside him was securely buckled, and survived).

Family Values: Geraldine Magda, 44, was arrested in Austin, Minn., in January, following a nursing-home visit to hold the hand of her dying sister in her final hours. Magda was charged with stealing the wedding ring from her sister's finger during the hand-holding.

Sounds Familiar: Like a Paul Simon song: Anthony Raspolic reported a break-in in the wee hours of January 1st in his apartment in Durant, Okla. He told police that he was in bed with his girlfriend but got up and left the room, and by the time he returned, someone had taken his place. (The man scurried out of the bed, stole Raspolic's wallet, and fled in his Ford Explorer.)