truTV: Not Reality. Actuality.

More Cutting-Edge Research! University of Queensland (Australia) researchers told an entomology conference in August, after doing DNA "fingerprinting" of Nepalese and Inner Mongolian lice, that their team had disproved the apparently important general belief that body lice and head lice are separate species. And in September, Edward Cussler and Brian Gettelfinger, writing for a chemical engineering journal, showed that people swam no faster in water than in a substance twice as thick (after experiments in a pool to which "guar gum" had been added to the water to create something that, said Cussler, "looked like snot").

Least Competent Animals: With cameras from the "Cops" TV show rolling, an Evansville, Ind., police dog chasing a gunman in a retirement home suddenly leaped on innocent bystander John Terry and bit his right arm before he was pulled off (August). And a 10-year-old Komodo dragon in heat accidentally plunged to her death off a wall in the London Zoo trying to get to her mate (August). [Reuters, 8-23-04

Even though wild monkeys rampage through towns in India, destroying property, eating villagers' food, and physically attacking people, they are considered holy to Hindus and are pretty much left alone. However, according to a September dispatch in London's The Independent, as attacks have grown in number and severity recently, police have been finding dozens of monkey carcasses with slashed throats. Police believe that the bodies were the result of contract killings, ordered in the belief that paying someone else to harm monkeys was not quite the sacrilege of doing it directly.

According to an August Washington Post profile, Maura Hall of Washington, D.C., has spent more than $25,000 (an amount which a United Nations food program says will feed 350 third-world children for a year) for a kidney transplant and post-operative care for "Lily," her longhaired gray cat. (Among the post-op procedures: weekly, $200 blood tests for the rest of her life.) Hall said she encounters hostility from not only those who disagree with her priorities but also other pet owners who feel guilty that they can't afford such expensive care. (Also, an August BBC News dispatch from Brazil reported on the various cosmetic procedures available for dogs and other pets, such as wrinkle-reduction, eyebrow-correction, and even full facelifts, but which, fortunately, are less expensive than a kidney transplant, e.g., about US$75 to make drooping ears un-droop.)

California's Budget Crisis, Explained: In August, the state legislature reached a compromise in a longstanding, intensely-debated issue with the state's owners of pet ferrets. Though the animals are banned by the state as crop menaces, the legislation would grant legal status to all existing pet ferrets whose owners pay a $75 per head fee. However, even though the state desperately needs the revenue, the money raised cannot be used for anything except a study to determine whether the state can tolerate more ferrets.

A theme restaurant for cats (the Meow Mix Cafe) opened in New York City in August, allowing owners to dine with their kitties and eat similar dishes ("Deep Sea Delight" mackerel for felines, tuna rolls for humans). No dogs are allowed, and visitors' catnip must be checked at the door. Also in August, the 96-page glossy, cocktail-table magazine, New York Dog, debuted, featuring a dog psychology advice column, dog horoscopes, and dog obituaries, along with such articles as the makeover-inspiring "Queer Eye for the Scruffy Dog." (The publisher estimates that New York City has 20 million dogs.)