The Attic Lounge vs. FairyTail Lounge
The Attic Lounge vs. FairyTail Lounge

Anthony, Anthony, Anthony, I love you but you didn't get up off that stool and do anything! That's what this episode boiled down to me: a battle between an active boss and one who expected his harsh words alone to guide the ship. And they did guide the ship. Straight into the ground.

At FairyTail Lounge, Big Mike was active. He was never sitting. Maybe because he was worried that a go-go boy was gonna crawl onto his lap. But he was up the whole time, monitoring how they were pushing the drinks, fixing the stage for Princess Bitch and whatever her enormous sidekick's name was -- he even helped select the right gay porn title to fit the bar's eclectic ambiance! That's a hands-on bar owner, and one who didn't shy away from an environment that he wasn't familiar with. Or so he claims. I feel his leather vest and ponytail tell a different story, but what do I know, I shop at Ross.

Now compare that to Anthony's approach: Instead of going around getting to know his customers and trying to figure out what they want and need, he stayed put and voiced a constant barrage of complaints and accusations. He was basically doing a spot-on impression of my mom when I'm home for the holidays. He alienated his tornado like head bartender Adele, cut off my free drink supply and at one point even sent his entire staff out into the Queens night to round up customers. And he did it all from ON HIS STOOL! Though, in his defense, his stool was the only one occupied in that entire bar, because it was completely empty. I mean, I've seen more people at one of my stand-up comedy shows. (Sad Face/Sound of Gunshot)

And yet, I still have mad love for both of these guys. Anthony and Big Mike opened their hearts and their bottles to me and when I'm back in New York, I will definitely be drinking in both of their establishments. That is if I'm not too busy getting smashed in the bars from next week's episode, which are both completely insane.

Follow Barmageddon host Mo Mandel on Twitter at @momandel for more of his unique perspective, stand-up dates and more.