Shaun Keith Orris of Waukesha, 41, Wisconsin, had knocked back about six beers and a few shots at a local bar when he decided to stand up for a constitutional right to do the dance of love with goats, supporting the old adage “whiskey don’t make liars, it just makes fools.”
Orris was reportedly three sheets to the wind in the wee hours of June 13, 2013, when he decided that it was of the utmost importance to discuss bestiality with goats by interviewing other bar patrons on the subject. According to the complaint he asked several patrons of the Montecito Ristorante Lounge, “Do you think it’s right to [expletive] a goat?” It is not known if anyone tried to answer the question for Orris, but bestiality is illegal in Wisconsin, although Orris evidently did not clarify whether he believed that such a right was vindicated by the U.S. or Wisconsin constitution.
Once the bar’s owner realized that Orris was asking bar patrons if they believed that having sexual relations with goats was a constitutional right, the owner asked Orris to leave. Orris refused, which led to a physical altercation in which Orris got a cut on his head. He went home and returned to finish the argument carrying a 5-inch-long pocket knife. It was Orris who called police around 2:45 a.m. saying that he had been “battered and bloodied” for asking his (incredibly important and socially relevant) question.
Police arrested Orris, for disorderly conduct and for carrying a concealed weapon. He was taken to a hospital, where, agitated, he screamed that it was a constitutional right to have sex with goats and then burst out laughing. Officers reportedly thought he was drunk.
No longer laughing, Orris faces one year in prison and a fine of up to $11,000 or both in convicted.