We get it. You're very proud of your tattoo. You want people to see it. So put it on your arm or the back of your hand. Wait! You put it where? Congratulations moron, now you're unemployed for the rest of your life. By Rusty Ward.

You really wanted a tattoo of that elf from Lord of the Rings, but the guy at the tattoo parlor wanted $200. That's crazy. So when your friend Steve said he'd do it for 15 bucks and the rest of your pork BBQ sandwich you said, "Sold!" And look, you can barely tell the difference.

You told the guy you wanted it to say "Eternal Peace" in Mandarin. Sure, you can't read Mandarin, but you trusted this guy because he seemed so jovial. It was really cute the way he couldn't stop laughing as you walked out the door.

A sub-category of the foreign language tattoo is the bar code tattoo. Oooh, you're so hip and hi-tech. Are you from the future? Way to go, now you're as unique as a box of cereal.

You wanted a tattoo that would shock people. A year later you realized that you also would have liked a wife and kids, but most women want a man who doesn't have a skeleton tearing open his stomach.

Your crotch sees a lot of traffic. You should give all those visitors something to read while they're down there.

You see naked women so rarely that you've decided to get one engraved on your chest.

You thought that comedian was hilarious. The more you hear his catchphrase the more you keep laughing. You are convinced the line will never get old and damn it, you're determined to prove it.

You're not sure whether you want to shock people or poorly entertain them. Why not both?

Look at that. Your back looks just like the wall of a 13-year-old's bedroom in 1978.

Your hate has clearly overwhelmed any possible common sense you might have had.

You realized that the one thing people don't see enough of in this country are celebrities. You're going to do your part to remedy that.

A sub-category of the celebrity tattoo. You really hated your parents and knew the best way to get back at them would be a Hitler tat, but that's so 1940's and you wanted something more 21st century.

You're positive your kid is going to appreciate this when she's older. I pity your offspring.