Those who can, do. Those who can't give dumb sex advice on the Internet.

Whatever you do, don't follow any of these dumb sex tips. Here's the only sex advice you really need: if you're in a sexual relationship with someone, don't be a jerk. Tell them what you want, and listen to them when they return the favor. Then insert (A) into (B). See? It's really quite simple. These 13 sex tips aren't just dumb. They're absurd, sadistic, and baffling, especially since many of them come from sources that claim to be authorities on human sexual relations, one of which comes from a popular website that is humanity's greatest repository of collective ignorance.

So take our smart sex advice and beware of all of these dumb sex tips.