The Speedo

Why it's dumb: Why? Does? This? Exist? The speedo is like the polar opposite of the thong. Everyone wants to see a thong on the right female body. But nobody wants to see a speedo on any dude, ever. There is no way to pull this off. It looks like a slingshot full of walnuts. It's gross.

The solution: Frankly, anything is better than a speedo. A grass skirt is better. Never wear one. The great thing about being a guy is that there really aren't any fashion expectations when you're at the beach or pool. Wear floral trunks. No one will care. The one exception to this rule? The speedo.