Put the Internet down and walk away from it slowly.
The web is the most important technological achievement of our time. This vast network of computers and handheld devices allows human beings to connect and communicate like never before, all while putting unprecedented amounts of information at our fingertips. You can find out the best bratwurst in Germany, listen to Led Zeppelin tunes and look up photos of unicorns all in a matter of seconds. Never in the history of mankind have so many tens of millions of individuals had so much access to so many facts, opinions... and other people.
But then there's you. You have a problem. Instead of taking advantage of the glorious wonders of the World Wide Web, you do asinine things like check your MySpace page and blog about cats. You, my friend, don't deserve the Internet. Here are 10 reasons why you should be banned. (Note that nerd 'net games like Bejeweled and Scrabble are not on this list. Those things are cool.) –Tina Smithers