There is nothing to fear but fear itself and bears.

Phobias are irrational fears, as any psychiatrist will tell you for $200 an hour. But the following fears are so absurdly irrational, they seem made-up by a greedy shrink exploiting a wealthy, and deeply neurotic, patient.

Here's a short list of reasonable things to be afraid of: bears, airplanes exploding midflight, the dark, being buried alive in a coffin by a tribe of mutant rednecks, the dark (especially if it's dark and you can hear bears growling.) Even classic fears, like agoraphobia, can have practical applications. For instance: being afraid to leave your house can work to your benefit if the outside world is full of the walking dead.

I don't mean to be insensitive to paranoid fruit loops, but if you suffer from any of the following fears, you might just want to try to get over it. Each of these actual phobias are real and totally dumb.