Because there can never be enough names for the funny sounds that come out of your dirty place.

According to the Thesaurus, there are very few words or terms to describe the "fart." Why doesn't our culture have more than a paltry handful of words for the natural consequence of consuming beans, the magical fruit? Flatulence is a natural biological function. It's not juvenile to discuss or make light of something that is such a common part of the human condition. In fact, anthropologists have concluded that "pull my finger" is the oldest joke known to man. We need more ways to express this important common denominator of our shared existence.

Farts are like snowflakes — beautiful, noisy, noxious snowflakes — each one unique and deserving of its own namesake. In an effort to broaden the English language, we present 13 dumb names for different kinds of farts.