Skin flicks need to learn new tricks

Humans have been drooling over pictures of nekkid people doing it for millennium. Even the ancient Egyptians created naughty hieroglyphics featuring skinny people with bird-heads doing it Sphinx-style. Once the movies were invented, dirty pictures suddenly started moving and whole new world dawned. Fast forward to right now: dirty movies have become lame, boring and uninspired.

Modern pornography is nothing but a parade of boring clichés. A perfunctory online examination of the "cinema of the erotic" confirms this truth. Smut is a proud artistic tradition and one of the pillars of human civilization. If we allow it to wallow in tired conventions and banal formulas, then we do a disservice to the generations of pioneering perverts that came before us. Here are ten smutty movie clichés — from unsexy fantasies to outdated fashion choices — that need to change in order to save the actual reason the Internet was invented.