Mermaids

That cartoon movie The Little Mermaid really twisted the psyches of millions of women. There is nothing sexy about a half-woman, half-fish monstrosity. A mermaid is cold, slimy and scaly. On the other hand, they taste great with fresh lemon. A mermaid wouldn't sing a song if pulled out of the ocean by a net or hook. A mermaid would flop around gasping for air, and any sailor who would be turned on by that has been at sea too long and probably needs to see a therapist. Sure, she's wearing a seashell bra, but she also smells like a Long John Silver's.