A unicorn is just a horse with a penis on its head

Mythological creatures are more popular than ever, thanks to blockbuster movies like Annoying Boy Wizard and the Silly Nouns. In fact, this generation grew up believing that Dungeons & Dragons is a lifestyle choice instead of a game played by socially awkward basement hobbits. There was a time where the vast majority of people had never heard of a "centaur." But not today: throwing around mythological references on blogs is the cool thing to do. Well, I like to think of myself as a bit of an expert when it comes to the make-believe animals that populate Greek myths, fantasy fiction and movies. I don't care if you read that book about diminutive fatties and evil jewelery. I just know more.

When I was a little kid, I loved monsters and mythological beasts. I also loved collecting scabs and eating Marshmallow Fluff with my fingers. But I took fantastical creatures from folklore and literature very seriously. I would, often, opine with my pint-sized peers on the merits of certain make-believe critters. For instance: I was an enormous fan of the many-headed hydra, a connoisseur's choice, really. I would outrage certain friends with my controversial opinions. I didn't believe Bigfoot existed. Griffins were jerkwads. Leprechauns were hobo Christmas elves with serious drinking problems. I'm back in this debate, people. The following mythological creatures are dumb and should be given a rest.