The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rule, as any nine-year-old will tell you

Spying: "It's more than just whether the government is spying on us but how it's doing it as well. The government is in possession of mind reading equipment. It actually penetrates the brain and can read your thoughts and view imagery within your brain. They watch you sleep, shower, sex, etc."

"THE WHOLE EARTH IS BEING RUN BY THE UNDERGROUND REPTILES"

The Bill of Rights: "We do have the right bare arms, and insomuch and bysomuch, it would be equally unconstitutional to insist that our armed forced be ill equipped. [We do have the right to bare arms, yes, so long as they are not hairy. -Ed.]

Da Bomb: "We still need the bombs. A meteorite approaching the Earth can be detected well ahead of time. But, I really believe that the best method of changing the course of one of these mountains from space is a multitude of nuclear bombs fired nearby to push it and any result debris away from the Earth. No effort should be made to blast it into pieces. Every effort should be made to place the blasts within thousands of feet of the meteorite, and push the whole thing in with a cone of energy that pushes on all of it fairly equally."

WMDs: "There is a stargate in Iraq, which caused the US to attack that country to control that stargate. It had nothing to do with Weapons of Mass Destruction. That was a lie to make the citizens support the attack of Iraq." [Stop sending this tip to us, James Spader. - Ed.]

"Are we being watched through our TVs?"

Dear Governor Ventura: "My mother and myself greatly enjoy your show and admire you so much for your unwavering convictions. My mom's cable DVR often overrides her scheduled settings and refuses to record your program on truTV! Not only that, but she has saved every single episode since the first season, with the setting 'do not erase until I delete,' yet your entire 1st season got mysteriously deleted. It could be a glitch with the DVR, true, however, I find it odd that it does not do that with ANY of her other preset recordings. Hmmm... There maybe be some media censorship going on there. Just a thought..."

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